Rough Drafts
A Series of Pieces Written in The Wild
#19
I’m writing this on Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement. Here are my sins I’ve committed in this past year:
Not thinking I’ve done anything wrong
Thinking I’ve done everything wrong
Leaving after a shorter time than I had planned to
Staying much longer than I should have. I still have trouble acting on the first offense, my hope that things will work themselves out. But they rarely do.
Being conflict avoidant
Taking things personally when already having a tough day
Not knowing how to be angry with integrity rather than righteousness
For not knowing when something is worth getting angry over or if I just need to take some things off my plate
For continuing to let the bully run free in my mind out of fear that I would be dubbed the bully for standing up to it
For mistaking hope for a feeling and not an action
For not being the daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, social media justice warrior, career person I was told I should be
For holding grudges that keep me safe from harm
For being difficult
For being the most self-full I’ve been able to be in my entire life
For being angry about things and people that won’t change
For freezing when I want to speak
For not sticking to a routine that helps me
For being the bearer of bad news
And for sharing good news with the wrong people
Missing my phone dates with my mentor even though we always make it up the following day
For freaking out over new experiences
